The set up
It is a Friday evening and the end of a long and difficult week both at work and in life outside work – yes, there is a life outside work for those who wonder if it does exist! I’ve just treated myself to a nice dinner, beef lasagne exquisitely cooked by M&S and lovingly warmed up with extreme precision in the oven by myself. I chose a nice Italian Chianti to accompany it, a new find in my wine list from my favourite Majestic wine selection, which felt like a good choice to go with the Italian recipe. I followed dinner with a choice of European cheeses and English crackers and I’m contemplating a delicious chocolate mousse dessert to end the culinary indulgence.
And while this is the perfect setting for two or more to share and enjoy, I’m yet again experiencing it on my own, on a night that I so long to be with someone to share it. As always, I considered it another “quality time with myself” evening and added it to the list of the many similar evenings that I’ve created in the past and will create again in the future. The difference this time is that the new me, which if you keep up with my blog will know that I am referring to my reinvention, is wondering…. do people walk together in this life? Does the notion of “you need a partner to share life with” exist?
Walking with thyself
I feel quite blessed and content that as a single person there are many people in my life on which one would expect to rely on for both the good and the bad or the practical. Yet on this Friday evening, there is no one around; my neighbour and sweet friend is on a date, my lover is on a business trip at the other end of the world in a different time zone, my Yorkshire friend is on a trip in a tropical country and my other female friends are busy with their families and partners. Which means that on this occasion, the people that I wanted to be there for me have aligned to not being there for me. And it is natural and it can happen and it is how life is.
It did make me wonder though whether it would have made a difference to have had someone this evening to take my mind off the difficulties of the week that has ended. Why do we tend to feel that if I had someone’s company it would make it possible to share what has frustrated me and what has upset me? What is wrong with accepting that having someone this evening may have not helped at all? Most would say that sharing would have helped me to take things off my chest and share them out loud rather than keep them inside my head and heart. What good is that since the difficulties and being upset are still mine and not the other person’s issues?
My thoughts on this brought me to the conclusion that there can be no real sharing or walking together no matter how much we like to think there is. This applies for both the good and the not so good moments in life. If I am in pain, the other person cannot feel it the way I do. If I am in delirious happiness, the other person cannot feel the intensity of it the same way I do. They may sympathise and empathize but that does not lead into sharing my happiness or my unhappiness.
I looked up the meaning of sharing in the dictionary to check if my understanding of the word was erroneous. It confirmed what I understood sharing to be: “have a portion of (something) with another or others”. This for me re-affirms my conviction that another human being cannot have a true, real portion of my personal moments. In my mind it is just impossible. And for me this is not a sad realisation or something to upset me or make me feel unhappy and sorry for my singleton status. In fact, it is the complete opposite. It is a liberation from the concept and the old affirmation, imposed to me by my close environment since I can remember myself, that I need to be with someone so that I can share life with.
It is not a denial either that being with others is a wonderful feeling and it is preferrable to doing things on my own. I’d probably say though that I find it more comfortable to share the happy moments with others and not so much the unhappy ones.
In my world, I’ve got used to getting through the unhappy ones on my own. I’ve got used to finding how to overcome the pain, the frustrations, the anger and other negative feelings on my own. This is because in my experience, no matter what others offer me in way of support it is down to myself to make things happen, to fix them, to change them, to stop them, to accept them, to forget them, to break them….The list is endless. The point that it is all on thyself and no one else. I may walk with someone next to me, sharing the same pathway and route, but in reality, each one of us has its own trajectory.
Or have I missed out on the meaning of walking together?
Walks and Smiles 