The set-up
As I mentioned in one of my other blogs, one of the topics that was strongly on my mind to write about was my feelings about walking into a tango close embrace. The pandemic events took over and the thoughts on this topic became less vibrant into my mind. Unfortunately, I cannot recollect the experience of the last close embrace I walked into in the beginning of February as vividly as when it took place. I do remember though some of the feelings and questions that it brought to my mind.
As it’s been over two months now since the last time I’ve encountered any kind of embrace, the lack of it has obviously made me long more for it, so I’m using my memory’s box to remind myself of past embraces and the emotions and thoughts connected with them.
Before I continue to explore the challenges and intricacies of the tango close embrace, let me give you the definition of it, as I suspect it is not a common knowledge term. So according to Wikipedia, “close embrace is a type of closed position where the leader and follower stand facing each other chest-to-chest in full or partial body contact. The dancers usually stand offset from one another, such that each has his or her right foot in between the feet of his or her partner. When in close embrace, the dance is led (and followed) with the whole body, rather than with the arms or with visual cues.” Depending on the tango academy that you learn with, the instructors will choose when to introduce you to close embrace as there are mixed views on whether you do it right from the start or after you’ve learned your first steps and gained some initial confidence into tango steps.
Why does it matter?
The challenge of the close embrace
It matters considerably how you get introduced to it as in the close embrace position, two dancers are saying to each other with their body language that they are giving each other their complete and undivided attention. Both the leader and the follower are placing each other at the centre of their universe and make each other the most important thing in their world.
When you walk into a tango lesson on your own without a partner that you know and have a relationship with, be it a friend, a partner or your husband, walking into a close embrace with a complete stranger can be quite intimidating and difficult to comprehend. My Mediterranean side of course is very much used to embraces and hugs, but they are always connected with people that you know quite well or are very close to you and in my mind it is connected with this special notion of comfort, security and connection that an embrace gives you. Despite the fact that I’m more open to it compared to my British side which tends to be more reserved and less demonstrative, I still find the close embrace difficult to get used to it.
I’ve read in my tango book, that apparently the tango close embrace was born in a society where loneliness and isolation were part of everyday life, with many people living on their own and true intimacy was rare and precious. Because of this rarity the tango dancers chose this position to create a sense of intimacy and emotional challenge in order to combat the lack of personal touch and connection with others. I am thinking that because of this lack of intimacy, being close to a stranger for a few hours wasn’t such a big deal for those dancers in the past and it came without a whole container full of mixed thoughts and feelings as it does for me.
Having lived all my life surrounded in close embrace, I’ve not experienced the lack of it in the way described above, therefore, my feelings towards it have a completely different meaning more atoned towards the embrace being an expression of love and being special.
And that is the reason why I find it hard to separate that being close to someone when dancing tango is not a reflection of loving your tango partner but a mere technique which allows you to dance more precisely and more attuned to your partner. This would have been easier for me to understand if I had learned my first tango steps in close embrace as opposed to the open embrace. Having joined a different tango academy in January where all lessons are done in close embrace only, I totally understand now why in their recommendation they stipulate that it is much more difficult to dance in a close embrace when you first learn to dance in open embrace. When you first learn how to be close to your partner, opening up comes much easier than the other way around.
Apart from being a physical training technique where you learn how to balance and be elegant with a correct posture than enables you and your partner to dance in a more connected way, it is also a mental training of accepting the closeness as part of the tango experience rather than closeness being part of an intimate relationship which can be awkward when you hug a stranger and then walk into a dance together.
Accepting the intimacy as part of a tango connection
Reflecting on my training and the notion of close embrace I realised that even with my dedicated tango partner which I’ve met in my beginners course and with whom we’ve been practicing together for the last two years it took as quite a while to find the right balance and level of connection. Even though we became quite good friends and got to know each other a little closer from a personal perspective which helps built a sense of trust and security and consequently helps bring down the barriers of intimacy, it took us quite a few takes to find the right connection. The one that means that you feel everything that your partner feels.
When I joined the new tango academy without my dedicated tango partner, as the times and place didn’t suit him, I found myself walking once more into a classroom on my own without the safety of my familiar partner. And being quite bold I walked into a couple of lessons way above my level because for me it felt that I was learning a lot more by practicing with more experienced leaders. However, because of the bad habits that I have developed from my open embrace training it became evident that I needed to walk back to my level as it was apparent that I was not yet quite ready to step-up. And close embrace does really require precision and dexterity which you cannot fool your partner into thinking that you’ve got it! And you can’t fool your teacher either.
These few higher level classes, however, made me realise that close embrace doesn’t mean intimacy but it is about developing a body awareness and improving the precision with which we move and develop a connection with our leader. I also discovered that accepting and enjoying the intimacy was dependent not on whether I physically liked my leader but on whether he was experienced in a way that it felt comfortable to be led by him and feel the connection of our bodies. This heart to heart connection is essential as it is the only way to understand my leader’s signals and able to respond to them with the right move. Any thoughts of anything else other than technique have no room in this connection – yet as human beings where there is judgment of anyone who’s in front of you, I can’t help myself allowing some small thoughts of what feels comfortable and what not creep in while I’m dancing in close embrace!
It was an evening of intense pleasure stemming from an interesting new technique that I learned in the class, followed by a very enjoyable yet very brief dancing encounter in the social milonga after class with a new partner, that made me come out in the crisp winter February evening having mixed feelings. Have I accepted that there is no intimacy in the close embrace but only a tango technique connection or have I just discovered a new partner that made me feel comfortable due to a perceived sense of trust? The excitement buzz that surrounds me each time I walk out from tango dancing was very strong on my mind that evening and challenged me significantly to find an answer to the question but I’m not sure I came to a conclusion.
The epilogue
The say that you come to realise what you had only when you lose it. A few days after this exhilarating evening of wondering about the intimacy and connection of the close embrace, the news of the Covid-19 virus spreading wider over the UK meant that my last tango lesson was done in open embrace and it was completely awkward and unnatural. The open embrace that used to feel safe and easier when practicing a new step, became odd and cumbersome, making me realise that despite its ambiguous nature, close embrace has become the norm in my tango dancing and losing it meant losing an important progress I’ve made in accepting the intimacy of it when dancing with strangers.
It will be a long time now I think until I’m able to go back to my beloved tango and I suspect that I will need to start from the beginning. But when I do, this time I’ll know at least to train with an academy which encourages close embrace early on so that I can practice the art of precision and perfection knowing that closeness is part of dancing not part of having a personal relationship.
Walks and Smiles 