The set up
It’s late at night, at the end of a long dark November day and I’m snuggled up in bed, listening to La Traviata feeling really angry. How can one be angry you might think in such a cosy and idyllic set up? Well the one who is snuggled up to warm up because the heating in her little castle isn’t working as it should be and it’s zero degree outside!
There is though something comforting to keep me going and that is that I’ve finally found free time to resume my beloved blog which I’ve neglected for such a long time. I also feel that anger is a good walking companion as it is a sign that you are alive and have feelings and full of passion.
Anger no. 1
This is a light typical household anger. I’m angry at the fact that since last year my letting agency didn’t get it when I explained to them numerous times that the electrician they sent to fix my main heater was useless and hasn’t repaired the dysfunctional unit. On my last telephone encounter with the agency I was dismissed as being unreasonable and particular and that the industry standard for room temperature is 18 degrees Celsius and should be content with it.
So now with another winter starting to show its ugly frozen teeth to us, I’m angry because the main heater in the evening is barely lukewarm. This means I have to start another marathon of communications with the agency to persuade them to fix my anger!
Anger no. 2
This is a bit of a self-driven anger. I’ve recently read one of Julia Cameron’s quotes that said: “anger is a loyal friend: it always tells us when we have betrayed ourselves” and it is very true. In the past months, anger has been my trusted companion walking beside me, as it seems that no matter what I do life just doesn’t happen the way I want it to. And things not happening the way I want them to is something that I cannot tolerate at all, despite the tons of patience that I seem to possess.
I am approaching the end of the year and my 2018 to-do list is not ticked off. While a lot of things have happened throughout the year, some of Eriana’s perfectly laid plans have not matured. And this makes me furious and I start blaming everything and anything but most of all myself. If my to-do list has not matured it is not because the universe around me didn’t convene to fulfil my needs. I think it is because I haven’t opened my eyes in order to walk forward to the opportunities that are around me to make things happen for me.
A month ago I listened an inspirational lecture in a research conference at my work by Professor Richard Wiseman, who has done a research about whether luck exists. After his lecture, I totally understood and agreed that plans, wishes, to-do lists and dreams or luck in general come true to those who are open to the opportunities that are around them and are not walking through their lives following accepted or expected pathways that are laid out for them by life’s standards – like the industry standards for indoor temperature that I’ve mentioned above!
Anger no. 3
This is a relationship related anger. People tell you that when one door closes another one opens somewhere else or a window opens somewhere else. Well I’m glad that I’ve also heard another version of this which says that when one door closes the rest of them keep shut as well. This is exactly how I feel some of the days! Brought about by the usual complains that my spoiled modern generation feels are true hardships; a series of unsuccessful dates, inability to find a place to make it my own home, difficulties at work and other similar culprits.
For me anger and frustration rises because I cannot understand why doors or windows are closed. This ongoing obsession of mine always searching the “why” is a constant inhabitant on my mind and feeds my anger when I don’t get the answer to why.
Why is it that people tell you one thing that makes you feel on top of the world and then the next day they take it away from you without explanation? Why is it that I don’t have time to fit in all 3,000 things that I want to do in a day? Why is something happening or not happening? Why do people behave the way they do? Why does one say “I don’t want to hurt you” and then do exactly that? Too many questions as usual.
The answer is that in order to walk on and get over all types of my anger I need to stop thinking about the why and just learn to cope with accepting things the way they are. To learn from both good and bad, to be angry if I want to but calm down eventually by remembering about the doors that are open. And above all remind myself that it is all about life’s journey.
Getting over anger
I want to close the blog on a positive and very beautiful image. This morning I woke even before the crack of dawn to take my good friend and her partner to the train station to catch a very early train to York. It was quarter past five in the morning when I stepped out to a frozen morning and scratched the ice on the windows of the car, with the heating at the top setting to warm up my beloved Ulysses. And as I drove through the gates and onto the road, a beautiful full moon appeared in front on me so big and mesmerising. It was on its way to set down so its colour was slightly orange and as everything around me was dark and quiet it shone in front of me so bright keeping me company and showing me the way to my friend’s house. It was a precious image that made me feel at peace and took away my anger while it lasted.
Walks and Smiles 